Sitting wordlessly. Sitting in awareness. Sitting as the illusion of self and other faded away. Sitting in the calmness. Sitting in love. Sitting in the love. Radiating love. Thursday lunch. Ann had been talking with her mother while they prepared lunch. At lunch she asked me how I would feel about her convoying with me back to South Florida so that she could check out the colleges there. I explained that I wasn’t going back to Florida but was going up to Saratoga instead. I said that I expected that my wife was on the road there already. She said: ‘That’s even better. So can I convoy with you there?’ I responded: ‘O K. – but what are you going to do?’ She replied: ‘Explore for a few weeks, maybe decide to stay and get an apartment. We’ll see.’ We talked about the nearby colleges and that even Boston was not that far away. I asked Barbara if she had toured the colleges on her list and when she said no I responded that Poughkeepsie, Northampton, and South Hadley were all reasonable. I smiled as I passed them and pretended what I was doing was perfectly normal. Many teachers walked during their lunch breaks for health, but I was the only one who would be jogging.I was lucky that Claire and Kyle were not in the class either. I noticed the faces of the students. There were several I’ve had sex with, and quite a few who knew my reputation. They didn’t hesitate to yell out rude cat-calls. I smiled and waved.“Show us your tits!” one boy yelled as he watched me. I was clearly a distraction from whatever sport they were supposed to be playing.I remembered my son telling me that if someone asks to see my tits, I have to show them. This was the first test of that order. It just so happened to have come while I was jogging around our school track in front of approximately forty students.Once I made another loop around the track, I told myself I would obey my son. I was nervous, and I wasn’t sure if my plan would work, but my son didn’t tell me I had to make it look.
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